Recently I decided that I wanted to spend a little time “keeping it casual.” For too long I have let my current situation keep me down and have put too much pressure on myself to go out, date, and meet someone with whom I can have a meaningful and long-term relationship with. Yeah, well that hasn’t happened. But when I met John, I quickly realized that although he was never someone who I would seriously date, he could prove himself to be useful to me in other ways. So for a little over a month now, I have been casually dating, aka boning, John Doe.
There’s a time and a place for a casual-sex relationship, otherwise known as a “friends with benefits” (FWB) relationship or a fuckbuddy (FB). For me, that time is now. After my last soul-sucking pseudo “relationship,” followed by a pretty long dry spell and months of unsuccessful online dating efforts, I have decided that my mind, and my vagina, need a f*cking break already.
When I graduated college, I was pretty certain that it would just be a matter of time before I met some amazing guy, got married, and started a family. After all, I was in my early 20’s, had escaped 4 years of undergrad without gaining any weight, and was working in Manhattan for a brag-worthy company (making pennies, but still)! And since I have zero ability to live in the moment, along with a glass-half-empty outlook on life, it was not surprising that I began to preemptively stress over what experiences I might not have before I ended up marrying the last man I would ever sleep with. Not that I was totally inexperienced or a prude, but there were definitely some things that I had yet to have done, sexually speaking. Contemplating a future with one, and only one sexual partner, prompted me to create my own little bucket list – a sexual bucket list, if you will, that I decided I would have to complete before my upcoming matrimony to my then unidentified future husband.
I’ve decided that if I am really going to blame anyone for my current situation I am going to blame my vagina. In fact, I have decided that I hold her 99% responsible for the demise of every single one of my relationships. Now don’t get me wrong, she and I have been besties for a while (except for that 7 year period in which she completely abandoned me during my marriage – but more on that at another time). In fact, she has become the one friend that I can count on to almost always make me happy….which is why it’s hard for me to say this – but I fucking hate the bitch.