Recently I decided that I wanted to spend a little time “keeping it casual.” For too long I have let my current situation keep me down and have put too much pressure on myself to go out, date, and meet someone with whom I can have a meaningful and long-term relationship with. Yeah, well that hasn’t happened. But when I met John, I quickly realized that although he was never someone who I would seriously date, he could prove himself to be useful to me in other ways. So for a little over a month now, I have been casually dating, aka boning, John Doe.
I call him John Doe because I literally have no clue what his last name is, and that is perfectly fine with me. Truth be told, I don’t want to know his last name, nor do I really want to know much at all about him. Perhaps that sounds a little crazy, but consider the alternative. What if I got to know everything about John, from his favorite color and his political affiliation to his secret hopes and dreams in life. What then? Getting to know someone on that level takes things from casual to meaningful real fast. And I am not about to let that happen right now. Not with him and not with just anyone.
No, I prefer to know nothing. I have made the mistake before of allowing myself to get too close to someone who wasn’t right for me, and learned the hard way about how that can create the ultimate level 10 shitstorm. Getting too close to the wrong person can cause you to confuse sex for love, and from the little bit that I know about John Doe, I know that I am not looking to fall in love with him.
So here’s what I do know about John Doe. I know that he is a friend of a friend of a friend. That’s kind of how we met. I know he’s 5 year’s younger than me, he does something in finance, has a dog, just bought a home that he’s fixing up, limits himself to 3 drinks when he goes out, and I think has a sibling or two. That’s it. I don’t ask questions and I try to avoid small talk with John at all costs. If this “relationship” is going to be just about sex, then it needs to stay just about sex. No daily text messages to check in with one another, no post coital cuddling and conversation (in fact no pre-coital conversation either, really), and nothing deep, except for, ya know…
I never thought that I, of all people, would be cool with this type of situation, but surprisingly, I have found it rather refreshing. There is nothing worse than waiting for a text, wondering what someone is thinking or feeling, and knowing that you are probably going to end up getting hurt. If John Doe never texted me again, I would probably be insulted for a hot minute and then move on. There are no feelings associated with him because it’s hard to get attached to someone who you know nothing about aside from how he kisses and how big his d*ck is.
It’s refreshing to not have to play games right now. We went on a couple of dates, and once we started sleeping together it became solely a physical relationship. I wouldn’t even categorize it as a friends with benefits situation, because we’re not friends. I don’t want to be his friend. It’s just sex. And being just sex, I can feel totally comfortable texting him whenever I feel like it to see if he’s free and vice versa. No beating around the bush. No “let’s grab a drink” or “hey, how’s it going?” but rather more “are you busy right now?” or “want to stop by later tonight for a bit?”
I find myself not looking to my phone and praying for a text message because I just don’t care all that much, which is actually a really good thing for me. I needed something mutually beneficial and casual in order to take the pressure off of myself for a bit. And since I am horny as f*ck, I need to be getting laid right now. By sleeping with John, it allows me to continue to try to meet guys, both on and offline, but not feel as frustrated or disappointed if my efforts bear no fruit. Knowing I am getting my physical needs met allows me to hold out for the right person who will meet my emotional needs as well, and not settle for just anyone out of desperation and horniness.
If this year has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that I am a strong ass woman who deserves someone amazing. It has also taught me that while I am waiting for Mr. Amazing, I can let down my guard a little and allow myself to have fun, and by fun I mean penetration. Until then, I refuse to let one more guy into my life and into my world unless I know that he is worth is and I know that he is looking for the same things as I am.
Until then, I’m cool just letting someone into my vagina.