Catfished – Part 1

catfished

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…well for a lot of people at least. For some of us, not so much. As we are in the midst of the holiday season with Christmas soon approaching, most people are looking forward to spending time celebrating with their families, and perhaps reminiscing of holidays past. For me, however, this particular Christmas certainly has me reminiscing, but not about warm and fuzzy memories.

It was Christmas day last year, when the guy that I had been speaking to for the past 3 months called me up from his “mother’s” house and said a quick hello while his “nieces and nephews” were screaming in the background. I remember being really happy to have received that call considering how rough things had been the two months prior. Perhaps I should backtrack…

I “met” Kevin the first week I was on Tinder, about 3 months after my ex-boyfriend and I had broken up. He was gorgeous and had lots of pictures posted on his profile, each one better than the next. You could imagine the thrill that I got when we actually matched! He reached out to me right away and we spent the entire night texting back and forth. It was immediately obvious that we had the same sarcastic sense of humor, which was a huge turn on and certainly made the conversation more enjoyable. The bad news – he lived in Chicago – he was only in New York for work and would be leaving that weekend. Of course (because it wouldn’t be the story of my life if things were easy….)! The good news was, he told me encouragingly, that he comes to New York for work all the time! So no big deal…

I would be lying if I didn’t say that I felt an immediate and almost uncomfortable instant connection to this man, and certainly got the impression that he felt the same way. From that day forward, not a day would go by that wouldn’t communicate. Mostly we would text – we got into a daily routine of finding the most ridiculous pictures that people would post on Tinder (if you’re ever bored and want a good fucking laugh, browse Tinder for a while – trust me) and sending screenshots of them to one another all day long. From first thing in the morning until it was time for bed, he and I would text nearly non-stop. After about a week or so I finally convinced him to call me on the phone one night while he was away on business and staying at a hotel. His voice was ridiculously sexy. We spoke all night long, about our families, our previous relationships, and about this ridiculous connection that we had with one another. I was crushing hard!

We decided that night, that no matter what, we had to meet! He would find out when he would be back in New York for business and we would plan a weekend together. I knew it was crazy, planning to spend the weekend with a complete stranger, but somehow in my head it seemed completely rational at the time. And unbelievably sexy and exciting! Over the next few weeks as we continued to talk about meeting, our texts and conversations became more intimate. The sexual tension was palpable and more than anything I just wanted to be with this man. I have never sent a guy a “scandalous” picture before, but one night I sent one to him – a very, very pathetic PG one, but nonetheless, that was big for me. I felt that comfortable with him, and since we couldn’t see each other, I figured maybe I would give him a tiny, fully clothed, sneak preview as an incentive to motivate him a little bit.

We continued to talk constantly about meeting one another. He had told me that he wasn’t scheduled to come here on business until December (it was probably early November at this point) but that he might try to set up a meeting with another client sooner. If not, he said that maybe he would just go ahead and book a ticket anyway and come out just so we could finally meet. We had to see one another, and we knew when the time came it was going to be like something out of a romantic comedy… well maybe an X-rated romantic comedy? So, a porno basically. I already knew that regardless of how crazy and reckless it was, I was going to meet this man at a hotel and fuck his brains out. And I literally couldn’t wait.

And then the excuses began. Everytime I asked when he was going to buy his ticket he had a different reason why he couldn’t just yet. By now we had been talking every day for 3 months. I had stopped all efforts to meet anyone else and had sabotaged existing relationships because of him. I remember my ex coming over one night. We had seen each other after we had broken up for a few months here and there. But that night I would not let him touch me. I felt guilty, like I was cheating on Kevin. I waited for him to fall asleep and spent the rest of the night texting Kevin while this poor, sweet, loving man lay asleep next to me, wondering why on earth he had even come over and why I suddenly seemed repulsed by him. The truth was, I had fallen for this stranger who I had never met, and there was nobody else that I wanted to be with. I was hooked.

I began to get suspicious of Kevin when he refused to Facetime with me one night. I don’t know why I had never asked to do that before (probably because I hate how I look on the camera phone), but I finally did and he was way too hesitant. First he made up some lame excuse about his phone not working right, but then after I called bullshit he finally admitted that he hadn’t been completely honest and told me that he suffered from severe anxiety, and that the idea of Face timing gave him heart palpitations. I let it go for the moment, but I decided to do some investigating. I had seen the show Catfish on MTV, so I knew some of the tricks they used to find out if someone was faking their identity. Was I getting catfished?? I decided to Google image the pictures I had of him to see if they came up online anywhere. Whew – nothing. OK so he hadn’t stolen those hot ass pictures off of the internet. Perhaps he really did just have anxiety. Fuck, I have anxiety pretty bad too, so I get it, but after 2-3 months I was ready to suck it up and see this man even if it meant drugging myself and breathing into a paper bag.

I decided to offer to fly out to Chicago, figuring that maybe his anxiety was preventing him from making the move. Not seeing him was becoming unbearable. Feelings were getting real and I wanted to be with this man in the flesh. He finally agreed that the next day he would go online and book tickets to come see me. We looked at the calendar together and picked a date. This was going to happen!

The next afternoon I was running some errands after work when I got a crazy text from him. He said that he had an enormous anxiety attack at work and had to walk out of his job. He said that he could not talk to me. He needed to go home and get into bed, and he needed me to give him some space. Over the next few days he refused to take my calls. He communicated with me a little via text, enough to tell me that he wasn’t getting out of bed or going to work. That he couldn’t function. Finally he told me that his sister was flying in from Connecticut to come get him and bring him home to his mom’s house. Apparently this had happened to him in the past. His sister was his rock; she would take care of him. She called his boss for him and got him a leave of absence and just like that he was on a plane to Connecticut.

Shit was about to get super fucking crazy…

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5 thoughts on “Catfished – Part 1

      1. I’ve done the “pre-meet build up via text and calls” several times – never went well, always ended up being a huge waste of time. Also, didn’t know you were so close – NY, for some odd reason I thought you were in the UK?.

        1. Let’s just say I learned my lesson after this fiasco. Yet I’ve still had my time wasted by useless texting that often ends with the guy disappearing. I try not to let things go on anymore for too long without a date getting planned, but I think too many people are just looking for some attention and often have no intention to ever meet up.

  1. Statistics say (fact) – mother nature did her job with mutual attraction to initiate convo – with texting one of you will manage to talk one of the other out of meeting via no emotion – not real life communication.

    Step #1 Make sure your “date to meet” checks off ALL of your prerequisite boxes
    Step #2 Do not text/call before meeting – phone is to set dates only
    Step #3 Meet and have an actual good date

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