It was over a year ago when we both swiped right. Who could have ever known that an innocuous flick of the finger would end up having such an impact on my life. Our romance, if you want to call it that, took me by surprise, since you were not the type of guy that I usually went for. I should have known when I agreed to meet you on that cold, December Thursday night, against all of my better instincts, that I was going to be in trouble. You did everything right, selling me the story that I had been longing to hear – about your desires for something meaningful, and how you were a one woman type of guy. You pursued me hard out of the gate, but I admit it didn’t take much convincing. It was on our second date, when you ordered the tuna that I said looked good (which you hate) and then kissed me in the rain under our umbrellas when I felt the butterflies for the first time. Those damn butterflies – they would stay with me until long after I wished them away.
Regret. What an ugly word…
Regret is the type of word that leaves a bitter aftertaste when it comes out of your mouth. And it should – because it has such an awful connotation. To regret means to acknowledge that you have made some terrible decisions and to wish that you could go back in time and do things over.
Lately I have been having a lot of regrets.
- I regret not fighting harder for my marriage.
- I regret wasting my time on the wrong people.
- I regret swiping right.
- I regret making decisions that I am no longer sure I should have made.
- I regret starting some relationships and ending others.
I know I’ve told you before that when it comes to dating, that sometimes it really is the woman who is the problem. Sometimes YOU are the reason you’re still single. And I still stand by that statement. However, as we all know, sometimes it really is that douchebag that you unfortunately fell for that is the reason why things could never have worked out. Sure, we have all made terrible choices, and many times we have done stupid things that have caused relationships to fail, in which instances things really were our own fault. Other times though, we were just unlucky enough to fall for the bullshit of a guy who is actually afraid of being with a real woman. A strong woman.
And aside from perhaps ignoring the many bright red flags waving in the wind (wake up bitch!), telling you that this guy is a totally phony, falling for a guy who is too pathetic to handle a real woman…? That is never your fault!
It has become evident that I am slightly obsessed with the fact that I am in my mid 30’s and currently single with no prospects on the horizon. I’ve spent some time during my recent dating hiatus trying to figure out why this has become an obsession of mine (I mean, I started a blog about it for f*ck’s sake!), and I have reached certain conclusions.