Recently I decided that I wanted to spend a little time “keeping it casual.” For too long I have let my current situation keep me down and have put too much pressure on myself to go out, date, and meet someone with whom I can have a meaningful and long-term relationship with. Yeah, well that hasn’t happened. But when I met John, I quickly realized that although he was never someone who I would seriously date, he could prove himself to be useful to me in other ways. So for a little over a month now, I have been casually dating, aka boning, John Doe.
There’s a time and a place for a casual-sex relationship, otherwise known as a “friends with benefits” (FWB) relationship or a fuckbuddy (FB). For me, that time is now. After my last soul-sucking pseudo “relationship,” followed by a pretty long dry spell and months of unsuccessful online dating efforts, I have decided that my mind, and my vagina, need a f*cking break already.
So I’ve gotten back on the horse, so to speak. Well maybe not back on, but I have been inching my way onto the saddle. After taking a couple of months off of dating, or rather attempted dating, I am giving the whole “hunt for my future husband” (hahaha, who are we kidding, more like the guy who I can hang out with, sleep with, and order in take-out with on a somewhat consistent basis) another try. I guess you can say that things are going slightly better this time around, if by better you mean that I have a few new phone numbers in my phone. However, as with most things in life, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
I don’t believe that we only get only one love in our lives. In fact, I believe that if we are lucky, or unlucky depending on how you view it, we can end up having many loves throughout our life. I think that as we grow, and as our lives go in different directions, our ability to love and the kind of people we are able to fall in love with change along with us. I know this from experience, as I have already fallen in love several times. The fact that I can love often and easily, with total abandonment has not always served me well, especially when I haven’t allowed myself to recover from the loss of one love before moving on to another. At times the colors of our different relationships can run together, creating a murky mess. That’s precisely what ended up happening to me.
They say that just like assholes, everyone has an opinion. And just like assholes, most of those opinions usually stink. Well I’m pretty sure that this can be said of the opinions and “advice” of my married friends and relatives when it comes to discussing my love life, or lack thereof.
So let’s assume for a moment that you’re a dude. And let’s assume that you are currently on several online dating websites and apps. Now let’s take a real leap of faith and assume that you are actually looking for a relationship, and not just to get laid...crazy, I know.
How’s that been going for you?
For some men, online dating is like a virtual mall of pretty women who they can put into their shopping carts while they decide whether or not they want to buy them. Those men have an easy time finding women who will interact with them and who will actually meet them in person. Whether or not those men are totally sincere or complete dicks is to be determined, but the reality is, when it comes to sealing the deal (whether that meets getting a phone number, a date, a relationship, or just getting laid), they are successful. So why aren’t you?
It was over a year ago when we both swiped right. Who could have ever known that an innocuous flick of the finger would end up having such an impact on my life. Our romance, if you want to call it that, took me by surprise, since you were not the type of guy that I usually went for. I should have known when I agreed to meet you on that cold, December Thursday night, against all of my better instincts, that I was going to be in trouble. You did everything right, selling me the story that I had been longing to hear – about your desires for something meaningful, and how you were a one woman type of guy. You pursued me hard out of the gate, but I admit it didn’t take much convincing. It was on our second date, when you ordered the tuna that I said looked good (which you hate) and then kissed me in the rain under our umbrellas when I felt the butterflies for the first time. Those damn butterflies – they would stay with me until long after I wished them away.
Let’s get one thing straight – I am not a witch, a psychic, a wiccan, a palm reader, or any other stereotypical person that people may associate with tarot card reading.
I am merely a woman, who during my first summer separated from my husband, needed to occupy my time in order to prevent myself from seriously losing my shit. During that first dreadful summer, I decided that in order to keep my mind and my self busy, I would sign up for some online courses. I was too fucked up to leave my house in order to actually take any in-person courses (that would require showering and getting dressed, neither of which I was able to do on a regular basis yet), and besides, turns out that there are some super cool courses that you can take online that I’m pretty sure you will not find in a brick and mortar establishment.
Regret. What an ugly word…
Regret is the type of word that leaves a bitter aftertaste when it comes out of your mouth. And it should – because it has such an awful connotation. To regret means to acknowledge that you have made some terrible decisions and to wish that you could go back in time and do things over.
Lately I have been having a lot of regrets.
- I regret not fighting harder for my marriage.
- I regret wasting my time on the wrong people.
- I regret swiping right.
- I regret making decisions that I am no longer sure I should have made.
- I regret starting some relationships and ending others.
I know I’ve told you before that when it comes to dating, that sometimes it really is the woman who is the problem. Sometimes YOU are the reason you’re still single. And I still stand by that statement. However, as we all know, sometimes it really is that douchebag that you unfortunately fell for that is the reason why things could never have worked out. Sure, we have all made terrible choices, and many times we have done stupid things that have caused relationships to fail, in which instances things really were our own fault. Other times though, we were just unlucky enough to fall for the bullshit of a guy who is actually afraid of being with a real woman. A strong woman.
And aside from perhaps ignoring the many bright red flags waving in the wind (wake up bitch!), telling you that this guy is a totally phony, falling for a guy who is too pathetic to handle a real woman…? That is never your fault!