So I was out at a bar the other night with my only other single friend. We had gotten some prime real estate at a high-top table by the bar, ordered some drinks, and waited for the hot single guys to start walking in. Clearly we must have been high, because at our ages (35 and 39) hot and single are practically oxymoron’s. If a really attractive guy walks in you can bet one of three things: a) he’s married, b) he’s gay, or c) he’s an enormous douchebag with intimacy issues. A hot, available, and emotionally stable guy is about as common as a unicorn. And if a unicorn were to trot into the bar I was in, the competition to lasso and mount that bitch would be fierce!
It’s always been the case that the male to female ratio is just never on our side, but now more than ever I have noticed that there are a lot of single woman out there, of all ages and of all stages of life, and most of them have their shit together and are pretty attractive. Hundreds of quality women competing for the few remaining available men is pretty depressing. And let’s be honest, the available men out there in my age bracket aren’t exactly grade-A beef, if you know what I mean. Nope, it’s slim pickings.
I have begun to grudgingly accept that my dating pool now consists of 35+ year old average-looking single guys (many with dad bods, ironically) who have never been married (red flag), or average-looking divorced guys, with or without kids, who either desperately want to remarry or who have sworn off marriage forever, all of whom have a “crazy ex-wife.” As I looked around at the pathetic scene and listened to the conversations taking place around me, it occurred to me that an alarming shift had begun to take place. Men, who 5-10 years ago would have been considered 6’s at best, were now suddenly looking and acting like 10’s!
It was not because their physical appearances had changed or because they had miraculously developed incredible witty personalities, rather it was because they suddenly had little to no competition anymore. Men, that many of us wouldn’t have looked twice at in the past, are now the men whose attention we are fighting for at a bar. And the worst part is – they know it! Those cocky, arrogant fuckers KNOW that they have the numbers on us. For every one of them there are at least 20 of us looking for love, baby-daddies, or at least a decent and consistant bang. And that knowledge is powerful. That knowledge has created monsters. So these once 6’s, guys who never got the girls, they now have their pick of the litter and they are literally like kids in a candy store. What’s worse, if you actually manage to snatch up one of these guys – they are actually hesitant to commit. And who can blame them, really? Why would any guy in their right mind want to commit to one woman at a time when then can get almost any woman they want. It is like they hit the lottery! Men who never stood a chance are getting hit on by attractive women. Lots of them! They very well may meet a woman who is amazing, who would have been a dream come true in their earlier lives – but should they settle on that one woman when they know that they are at an advantage right now?
It’s one thing to wonder if the grass is greener, but what does one do when there is literally just so much damn grass to choose from? These 6’s turned 10’s (well a 10 might be pushing it, maybe more like 8’s with really thick beer goggles… but still) now make up my dating cesspool and they are far less attractive, way more arrogant, and just as douchey as the guys I dated the last time I was single – over 10 years ago. Fuck my life.