I once spent 13 hours talking on the phone with a guy I met online. THIRTEEN HOURS! We had exchanged a few messages, then exchanged numbers, and then spent the entire night, until sunrise, telling each other our entire life stories. Conversation came so easily that the hours flew by before we even knew it. Needless to say I was pretty excited to meet him… which we were obviously going to do… because who spends 13 hours on the phone with someone and then doesn’t want to meet them? Right?? The next night we spoke for about another 6 hours – planning our first date as well as naming our future children together. We made plans to meet the following weekend. Then the night before we were supposed to meet, he sent me a text telling me that he had to leave on a “last minute business trip.” I never heard from him again. (P.S. He had the balls to check out my profile again a few months later. BALLS.)
I wish I could say that was the first time something like that happened to me, but it wasn’t. It was definitely the longest amount of time I had ever spent talking to a guy that I never met. Hell, it was probably the longest amount of time I’ve spent talking to anyone! But prior to that I had met a different guy online and had a lovely 3 hour phone conversation with him, which ended with him telling me that he had to “wrap up a few things with work and would call me later that night.” Never heard from him again either.
What. The. Fuck???
When did wasting hours of another person’s life become socially acceptable? Don’t most people generally know after the first, say 20 minutes, whether or not they are into a person? Does it really take 3 or more hours to decide that you aren’t?? As if I had nothing else that I could have been doing on that infamous 13 hour night? Pretty sure I could have found SOMETHING else to do with that time that would have been more useful, like paint my toe nails or, I don’t know, maybe get some SLEEP for fuck’s sake? Yet I have come to discover that this bullshit behavior is pretty common. Maybe it’s not always hours spent on the phone, but rather weeks of texting back and forth with someone, only to have them never ask you out and then suddenly fall off the face of the earth? Yep, I’ve had my fair share of those as well…
It obviously can’t be me – with my winning personality and striking good looks (wink, wink). So clearly it’s them. The only rationalization that I could come up with is that they were either a) married, b) 500 pounds, or c) paraplegics. I suppose it could also be that they were talking to about 30 other girls at the same time that they were leading me on. But then it would maybe have been something about me that caused them to cease all communication….so I’m gonna go with the a,b, or c scenario. Regardless of the reason, I have worked out the math, and I would estimate that between all of these Loser Douchebag Assholes, I have wasted about 152 hours of my life that I can never get back!! That’s a lot of fucking time!! Time that I could have dedicated to important things, like training my dog who still likes to occasionally pee on the rug or to catching up on my very important DVR programs! So to all of you pricks out there who have nothing better to do than waste people’s time with offensively long phone calls and / or miles of text messages leading to nowhere: Go take your phones and shove them up your asses!!!!
And then go fuck yourselves.
(Going to walk the dog now….)